Jennifer Carvalho, Backlot (medium long), oil on canvas, 2013
We finally got a bit of relief from the extreme heat spells. In its place? A tornado. Huge fucking trees are split in half all over the place. I feel like I’m walking in a thesis/heat induced daze that has been going on for so long my feet hardly touch the ground. JUST checked in here to find I’d miss all sorts of stuff – new jobs galore, did the boy take MEC?; some serious sadness; dreams of closeness; worries of future. When I try to face these things in my own life a wave of emotion threatens to knock me over, I duck for cover, I dodge: playing video games on my phone – going for walks – getting drunk or high – losing myself in a tangle of words and artwork that I no longer feel came from me. Like in the moment before waking up from a long sleep and your whole body tries to cling to the weight of doziness but time pushes you forward with insistence: reality is coming, I see it on the horizon. I have one month left. In the meantime I’m listening to this SUMMER JAM and its slow dreamy remixes of old favorites sound good.